My Daughter -- One Little Voice

Our children need our love, support, and time!

When we sacrifice our time for our children, we are sending them the message that they are important to us. Think about a busy father who re-arranges his schedule so that he can attend his child's soccer game, or a mom who skips a business lunch (or social lunch with friends) in order to go on a field-trip with her son. What do these events tell our child? They tell our children that they are more important to us than meetings or social time with friends.

Of course we do have to make a living and we can't always volunteer for every school activity that comes along. Some jobs are more flexible than others and so getting away may not be an option. Since I have seven children, I can't always attend certain events because I have other children to care for. However, we need to be careful not to let work or other duties continually take precedence over our children. This sends our children the message that they are not very important to us.

Make an effort to re-arrange your schedule to attend events that re important to your child. Then let your child know that your being with them was more important to you than the business meeting, or the over-time work. Imagine your child overhearing you on the phone saying, "Gosh, I'd really like to be there, but I already promised my daughter I would watch her perform a story she wrote for her class. Yes I realize that this is a great opportunity... Yes I realize it may never come again... I already promised my daughter, and family comes first!" Imagine how important your child will suddenly feel!

I never really realized how much my presence meant to my child until a particular experience happened last year. My daughter was nine years old and was participating in the elementary school choir. They were scheduled to sing at our local grocery store during the day for Veteran's Day and I told her that I wouldn't miss it. When the time came I reluctantly woke up my younger children from their naps, loaded them in the mini-van, and headed off to the store. Parking has never been a problem at this store but today there was apparently a big event going on at the store along with the choir performance and the parking lot was packed. After driving around in frustration I finally found a spot quite far away and hurried in with all three children in tow.

The choir had already started it's performance. Because of the large size of the choir and inadequate area in which to perform, parents and shoppers were crowded into a circle which wound all the way around the choir. The only place I could find that would fit me and a shopping cart with three children was in the back -- behind the choir. I couldn't see the choir kids very well and my daughter couldn't see me. I tried in vain to get her attention but to no avail. I could see her searching the faces looking for me but she couldn't see me in the back behind all of the people.

Finally I got the attention of the boy next to her and motioned for him to tap her. She finally turned around and spotted me. As soon as I saw her face I could see that she had been crying. She thought I hadn't come! It broke my heart! The rest of the performance I was wiping tears away, moved both by the patriotic numbers ringing forth from the childrens' voices and also realizing how hurt my daughter was when she thought I hadn't come to watch her sing -- one little voice among dozens of children. If I ever I find myself saying, "Do I really need to go to that readers theatre or that Halloween parade...?" I think about my little tear-streaked daughter searching the crowds of faces for her mom. Yes, or course I need to -- and I will!

Our children need our love -- they need our support -- they need our time. I hope we can always bless our children with these three precious gifts!

(Wendy Jensen is the mother of seven children and the author of "Positive Parenting Using the G.O.L.D. Standard" available at www.firstratefamily.com)