They Will Notice

A friend of mine gave some great advice in her blog, "Kweenmama's Kastle," and I asked if I could share it with you. Here it is!

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This morning I wore the new slippers Mack gave me. Yesterday, after church, I wore the new flip-flops Hoob gave me. Before I leave the house today I will put on the new necklace and earrings Huh gave me. And this afternoon I will “pick a flower” that has a popsicle stick stem and see what chore Yawlin is willing to do for me.

Something that I’ve noticed is that my kids notice when I use and appreciate the gifts they give me. I will always treasure the memory I have of Huh getting a big grin on her face last Christmas break when I put my hand near her nose and said, “Smell how good the lotion you gave me smells.”

A little while ago I purposely wore a “pearler bead” necklace that Yawlin made me last year. It was fun to be running errands with him and have him suddenly say with pride, “You’re wearing the necklace I made you!”

My fingernail polish is housed in a salt dough bowl that Hoob made me a few years ago. A portrait that Mack drew hangs on our magnetic door that leads to the garage. I have three different sets of slippers that I can wear when my feet get cold and lots and lots of homemade jewelry.

One of the best ways to boost a kid’s self-esteem, and an easy way to show your love in return, is to use and appreciate the gifts they give you. So wear that stretched out bracelet. Drink from that lopsided mug. Hang up that colorful picture that makes you look like you are an alien. Eat those runny eggs and the burnt toast with gusto. Gifts were meant to be used, and the love our kids show us needs to be appreciated.

They will notice.

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Squeezing In Exercise

Exercise is something I am really passionate about. I have always made it a priority to exercise throughout my life. Since having kids, it is harder, but more important than ever. It hasn't always been easy and I've often had to change the type (or time) of my work-outs in order to fit whatever situation I am in. When I had one baby I bought a jogger stroller and brought her with me. When I had two, I bought a double jogger stroller and brought them both along on my runs. I would do my run and then jog to the park and let them play and then run home. When I had three kids (no, I didn't buy a triple jogger stroller -- but I thought about it) it was a little more difficult to get out. I couldn't take all three kids with me and so I either had to exercise when my hubby was home to watch the kids or do aerobics at home. Then I had a couple more kids and got a gym membership and worked out early in the morning before everyone else was awake. Later on (after another baby) I switched to a different gym that had a child care. I brought ALL of my kids to the kids center while I worked out. The kids loved the kids center and I got in a terrific workout. I took an intensive kick-boxing class which I loved. A year or so later, however, I got pregnant again and it was too much for me to keep up with and so I let the membership lapse. Now that the baby is here, I go walking or running in the mornings before my husband goes to work. I love it. I crave the quiet "me" time. The fresh cool morning air is so invigorating and always lifts my spirits. I enjoy taking in the beautiful scenery around me, and listening to the birds sing. It is very calming and it is during this time that I can actually think without any kids screaming in the background. I usually work out between 30 and 60 minutes, five days a week. My husband is one of those people that hates exercise and it worries me. Obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, and heart problems run in both our families. I have seen the miserable and dangerous affects that a lack of exercise can cause in one's life. I will do everything I can to prevent such health problems and hopefully he will come around too! Since he lives only a half mile from his job, I often walk him to work, so at least he is getting something! Exercise program or not, losing weight has not always been easy. Currently I have a seven month old baby (my seventh child) and have struggled with losing the pregnancy weight. Just within the past couple of weeks the scale has finally started to change for the better but I still have a ways to go. But I have many reasons for exercise besides just losing weight, however. Exercising makes me a better mom. I have more energy and feel better about myself when I exercise and that certainly spills over into my home life. I feel less stressed and better able to cope with the constant demands of parenthood. Another benefit is that I am setting a good example to my children. I want to instill within them a love of physical activity and teach them that our bodies are precious and we need to take care of them. I don't think we can let "lack of time" be an excuse. It is a matter of priorities. Even if my house is a disaster and I have half a dozen loads of laundry to be done, I still put my work-out first. There will always be housework -- it is never ending (especially in a family as large as ours is). But if my health fails then I won't be able to take care of my kids OR my house and so my health comes first (that includes getting enough sleep too)! It is never too late to start exercising. My sister always hated exercising. I don't know what changed but a couple years ago she started working out and now she loves it. She lost a lot of weight and looks fabulous! So my plug for today is start some sort of exercise and then build on it. You don't have to go out and start training for a Marathon. Take it one step at a time. I am trying to get back into running and it hasn't been easy. The first time (after having my baby) that I went running, I barely made it to the end of the street. I was sore for the rest of the day and the next. Then I went running again and went twice as far before I realized, "Hey, I just ran that whole way without passing out!" It has improved since then. I am certainly no where near where I was during my high school track days, but it is coming. Our bodies are forgiving thank goodness! So, join with me -- let's get moving!!

Losing It...

I recently discovered a new web site called Juice Box Jungle that features weekly video programs on various parenting topics. The current program is called “Losing it.” I have seven kids ages thirteen years down to six months. And they are awesome kids. But with so many children, it is definitely easy to "lose it." In fact, I am constantly losing something (but unfortunately it is NOT pounds)! I am always searching for lost shoes, socks, school papers, keys...and my sanity!

I think we all go through various “difficult” stages with our children. The kids that push my button the most right now are my four year old and two year old. The others definitely have their moments as well, but it is these two (and maybe because I am with them ALL DAY LONG with no break) that really test my patience!

This morning my four year old kept bumping the baby in her swing. After telling her repeatedly to stop, she proceeded to fix herself a bowl of raisin bran spilling the entire contents all over the floor. Just after I swept that up I turn around to hear her sobbing. She is on the snack bar (don't ask me why) and somehow accidentally sat in her brother’s bowl of cereal. Now she is wailing again with milk running down her legs and dress. I am trying to keep my cool while peeling the dress from her soggy body. She starts to whine, “But I want to wear the pink dress!!”

Now my two year old is also shrieking. He has the loudest, highest pitch scream I have ever heard. If things don’t go his way he can transform right before my eyes from the sweetest little boy you ever saw to a raging monster. He is sitting at a little high chair attached to the snack bar with some raisins. One accidentally falls to the floor and you would think he has just been bitten by a poisonous snake judging from the piercing scream erupting from his lips. Suddenly he forgets that he is quite adept at speaking and resorts to incomprehensible blood-curdling shrieks. Meanwhile I am standing by with my hands clamped over my ears attempting to remind him to “use words” and “ask nicely.”

Keeping ones cool amongst a sea of chaos can be extremely difficult to say the least. I liked JBJ’s video suggestion of watching “Super Nanny” so that you don’t feel so bad about your own children’s behavior. I have watched this with my kids…."those children are being very naughty! I am sure glad that you kids never act like that (hint hint)!” Another great stress reliever is to try and keep a sense of humor (I know, easier said, than done). After all, what is so funny about my two year old shrieking, "I want spaghettios!" over and over at 7:30 in the morning?

My husband is better than me at laughing when our kids' throw tantrums and whine. He pulled out the video-camera on our sobbing six year old daughter: "Wow! You are good! Look at those tears -- what an actress! “I’m gonna show this to your first date!” Her screams are getting louder and louder by the second but by this time we are laughing so hard we don’t care!

Unfortunately my husband is not usually home during the day to keep my sense of humor in check and so sometimes I have to resort to other methods – like picturing my neighbors peering in the windows. Or hiding away in my bedroom for a quick breather. Praying often helps too. My sister-in-law said that she made a conscious choice to not yell anymore and that it made a vast improvement in their home (see next post for her story). I try to ignore tantrums whenever I can so as not to reward that kind of misbehavior. I even resorted to wearing ear plugs for awhile.

Today my six year old and four year old were arguing to the point of getting physical. I told them that they were making my heart hurt and that I was going to cry. My six year old’s eyes filled with tears and she gave me a hug and said she was sorry. My four year old followed suit. I don’t even care if it was a guilt trip – it worked.

Do I ever lose it with my kids? Of course. Do I apologize? Yes. And from that my kids have learned to apologize too when they lose it. At least they have learned that I am not perfect, but I am trying. And so can they.

The on-going experiment...

My sister-in-law, Alicia, recently wrote this post in her blog and I thought that it had some great wisdom for all of us as parents and so I asked for her permission to pass it along to you. She writes:

"It seems to me that the blogs I read (or at least mine) tend to focus on the good things in life...trips to the zoo, funny things my kids have said, exciting events or fun activities that are always happening around here. So I've put off blogging about this experiment for a little while for a couple reasons. First, because I am not proud of how this experiment started and second because I wanted to make sure it was more of a permanent change than a whim. That being said, here is the story.

About a month ago I realized a big change I needed to make in myself. I found myself becoming increasingly irritable, frustrated, and unpleasant. And I was yelling. Not all the time, but enough that it worried me. So one evening, I realized that I needed to make a conscious choice. Was I going to be a mom/wife who yells? Or one who doesn't? For me that was not a hard choice to make. I decided to choose to be a mom who doesn't yell. Now there isn't, to my knowledge anyway, a 12-step program to reduce yelling in the home, so I decided to just take it a day at a time and stop yelling. Cold Turkey.

And somehow, it worked! The first week was especially difficult. I had to employ deep breathing techniques, set my jaw, bite my tongue...whatever it took. When the first week was over, the next week was even easier. Now, 4 weeks later, I have no desire to yell in anger. I love what this change has done in our home. We are all happier and my stress levels have decreased. The feeling of peace in our home is great.

It is interesting how much control we actually have over our lives. Not over everything in our lives, obviously, but over a lot of the aspects of parenting. It's not what we're handed, it's what we do with it that counts...we can choose how to handle the situations we find ourselves in, at least to some extent. Just making that choice not to yell was a big change for me and it has been a very good one. It has increased the peace in our home. Now I just need to work on keeping it clean..."

(Posted by Alicia)

Free Easter Lesson and Printouts

Easter can be a wonderful time to create traditions together as a family. On Easter Sunday, our family attends church services (as we do every Sunday). But we also take this opportunity to gather our family together in our home for a song, prayer, and special lesson.

If you (like us) are Christian, then this is a perfect time to share your beliefs about Jesus Christ and His resurrection. If you would like some lesson ideas on how to do this then here is a link to a primary lesson that is used to teach young children about Christ and His resurrection: Primary lesson on Easter

If you want more ideas for children, then here is a link to the April Friend Magazine. I hope you all have a wonderful Easter Sunday. Take this opportunity to gather your family around you and let them know how much you love them!

Developing Self-Esteem In Our Children

There seems to be a strong correlation between our own self-esteem and the self-esteem of our children. This point was driven home the other day when I happened to catch an episode of "Oprah" while folding laundry.

The subject of this particular show was self-esteem in children. They interviewed mothers of three and four year old girls who were already concerned about their weight and saying things like, "I'm too fat!" Then they brought on a beautiful young woman who said that she had extremely low self-esteem. She related how she would go home and cry and cry because she thought she was so ugly.

I was wondering how someone so beautiful could possibly think she was ugly? And why were these pre-schoolers already thinking about their weight? Then the moment of realization came when their mothers were brought on the show and both mothers and daughters were interviewed.

The young woman related that growing up she would often find her mother in her room sobbing. When she would ask her mom what was wrong, her mom would say something to the effect of, "Oh I just look so hideous today!" Things of this nature happened often with the mom always saying how fat she (herself) was or how horrible she looked.

Well, somehow these feelings of insecurity and self-doubt were passed down from mother to daughter. Even though the mom would try and build up her daughter by telling her how pretty she was, the daughter somehow only managed to carry on the negative messages that her mom kept telling herself every day.

This was so eye-opening to me. All of the kids on the show ended up with low self-esteem not because their moms' put them down, but because their moms' continually put THEMSELVES down. In many cases, the moms' had grown up with low self-esteem because of situations in their own life growing up and so they purposely praised their children in the hopes of giving their
children the self-esteem that they themselves never had.

But apparently the message that the parents gave about themselves talked far more loudly than the encouragement they gave to their children. Watching this really made me think about my own life and has helped me to be more cautious of negative self-talk.

If we want our children to have a positive self-esteem, then it is critical that we have our OWN self-esteem first. Our children learn so much through observing and if they see happy capable
parents, then they will have a lot better chance of becoming happy capable adults as well! Something to think about!

Wendy Jensen
http://www.firstratefamily.com

Tell Your Children You Love Them!

Today take your children in your arms one at a time and look them
in the eyes and tell them how much you love them and how important
they are to you!

We need to show our children that we love them, but they also need
to hear it -- we all do!