I recently discovered a new web site called Juice Box Jungle that features weekly video programs on various parenting topics. The current program is called “Losing it.” I have seven kids ages thirteen years down to six months. And they are awesome kids. But with so many children, it is definitely easy to "lose it." In fact, I am constantly losing something (but unfortunately it is NOT pounds)! I am always searching for lost shoes, socks, school papers, keys...and my sanity!
I think we all go through various “difficult” stages with our children. The kids that push my button the most right now are my four year old and two year old. The others definitely have their moments as well, but it is these two (and maybe because I am with them ALL DAY LONG with no break) that really test my patience!
This morning my four year old kept bumping the baby in her swing. After telling her repeatedly to stop, she proceeded to fix herself a bowl of raisin bran spilling the entire contents all over the floor. Just after I swept that up I turn around to hear her sobbing. She is on the snack bar (don't ask me why) and somehow accidentally sat in her brother’s bowl of cereal. Now she is wailing again with milk running down her legs and dress. I am trying to keep my cool while peeling the dress from her soggy body. She starts to whine, “But I want to wear the pink dress!!”
Now my two year old is also shrieking. He has the loudest, highest pitch scream I have ever heard. If things don’t go his way he can transform right before my eyes from the sweetest little boy you ever saw to a raging monster. He is sitting at a little high chair attached to the snack bar with some raisins. One accidentally falls to the floor and you would think he has just been bitten by a poisonous snake judging from the piercing scream erupting from his lips. Suddenly he forgets that he is quite adept at speaking and resorts to incomprehensible blood-curdling shrieks. Meanwhile I am standing by with my hands clamped over my ears attempting to remind him to “use words” and “ask nicely.”
Keeping ones cool amongst a sea of chaos can be extremely difficult to say the least. I liked JBJ’s video suggestion of watching “Super Nanny” so that you don’t feel so bad about your own children’s behavior. I have watched this with my kids…."those children are being very naughty! I am sure glad that you kids never act like that (hint hint)!” Another great stress reliever is to try and keep a sense of humor (I know, easier said, than done). After all, what is so funny about my two year old shrieking, "I want spaghettios!" over and over at 7:30 in the morning?
My husband is better than me at laughing when our kids' throw tantrums and whine. He pulled out the video-camera on our sobbing six year old daughter: "Wow! You are good! Look at those tears -- what an actress! “I’m gonna show this to your first date!” Her screams are getting louder and louder by the second but by this time we are laughing so hard we don’t care!
Unfortunately my husband is not usually home during the day to keep my sense of humor in check and so sometimes I have to resort to other methods – like picturing my neighbors peering in the windows. Or hiding away in my bedroom for a quick breather. Praying often helps too. My sister-in-law said that she made a conscious choice to not yell anymore and that it made a vast improvement in their home (see next post for her story). I try to ignore tantrums whenever I can so as not to reward that kind of misbehavior. I even resorted to wearing ear plugs for awhile.
Today my six year old and four year old were arguing to the point of getting physical. I told them that they were making my heart hurt and that I was going to cry. My six year old’s eyes filled with tears and she gave me a hug and said she was sorry. My four year old followed suit. I don’t even care if it was a guilt trip – it worked.
Do I ever lose it with my kids? Of course. Do I apologize? Yes. And from that my kids have learned to apologize too when they lose it. At least they have learned that I am not perfect, but I am trying. And so can they.
I agree that it is so important to apologize to our kids when we lose it and aren't the perfect parents that we'd really truly like to be. Great post, Wendy...it was like a peek into my life (minus the 5 other kids :)
ReplyDeleteGreat reading. It sounds like my life except that I have two of the 2 year olds and one 3 year old. Thanks for the great read (shawnya mom to 9 wonderfull children)
ReplyDeleteAll such events (incidents) may iritate you at the time of happening, but like you mentioned, if you can capture those moments in your cam and watch after few years, it will be joy.
ReplyDeleteOf course, most of us have grown up to be a better person the same way.
As far as they come back to you with a sorry, i think it should be fine.
Have a great day!
Badrinath A K
Wendy-whenever my kids act like this I usually think of you! I think "what would Wendy do in this situation...how would she use the ticket system to get the kids to calm down." My almost 2 year old (will be 3 in July) is like a combo of your 2 and 4 year olds. We go through these days very regularly with her. The thing that I have found to work the best is to grab her and hug her and tell her all of the reasons why I love her. Then I ask if it makes her happy or sad when she acts the way she has been acting. She says it makes her sad. She almost always calms down quickly and starts using her words and the situation is pretty quickly diffused. The other thing I have noticed with her is that she is very strong willed, so I "Say no when I have to and yes when I can". I don't let her (or any of my kids) run wild, but I do let her make some decisions even if they aren't exactly what I want. If she feels like she has some control over what she does, she is much more likely to do what I want her to do when I ask her to. --Sarah
ReplyDeleteGreat advice -- thanks!! Yes, I think our kids do need to be able to have opportunities to make decisions. I like the idea of hugging and telling your child why you love them -- I'll try that!
ReplyDeleteHi - I have tried many ways to console kids tempers moods, mood swings and different things work for different kids, I have 5 lovely kids ranging from 12yrs to 3mths. Time out works for some, (loved it when they gave me time out, 30+ mins of pure bliss, no one talking to me etc, great), to plain ignoring. My 8yr old has been having major tantrums, mainly for attention so all in all I just ignore them now, no matter how much it hurts me, when he doesn't get the much needed fuel to stoke his agro fire he ends up coming to me for hugs and attention. So I remind him of how I do not reward him for his bad behaviour but reward him with the much needed hug and remind him of how awesome he is at changing his atittude. My 20mth old has been having major 2yrld tanties and yesterday I totally got control of her, when she refused her dinner I explained the choices she had and her not eating dinner so I counted to 3 (she was looking away and smerking after pushing away her dinner) so I took her from her high chair where she threw a hum dinger of a tanty so I put her on the chair for time out and walked away, then came back after a few mins when she had calmed down, again I explained how I did not appreciate her behaviour and that I was not putting up with it etc. She came into the kitchen and gave me a hug. No more tanties, Yippee!!!
ReplyDeleteRebecca Mum of 5kids, and love it!!
E-mail response:
ReplyDeleteDear Wendy,
I am very impressed by this blog and I will try to do it and make my home peaceful place to my husband and my kids. I will write you my progress. Pray for me. By the way I am very happy to see your e-mail and sometimes I reread you e-mails.
God Bless you and your families
Azeb Kibreab
Dear Wendy,
ReplyDeleteI am mother of 2 kids aging 14 and 8 years old. My boy is 14 years old, totaly a teenager whom is growing, realy need a lot of time for him, always get to know his activity and where abouts. The 2nd want is my daugther who is 8 years olds, whom always wants my attention towards her, both of them are bright kids, it's only that they ae looking for special attention from their parents, which i sometimes fail to do so. Please advise any other ways to treat them both equally. They both are always aguing, i think is age gap the makes them like that, like wise if one of them are away from home they really miss each other.
Jeyanthy mum of 2 kids.