"It seems to me that the blogs I read (or at least mine) tend to focus on the good things in life...trips to the zoo, funny things my kids have said, exciting events or fun activities that are always happening around here. So I've put off blogging about this experiment for a little while for a couple reasons. First, because I am not proud of how this experiment started and second because I wanted to make sure it was more of a permanent change than a whim. That being said, here is the story.
About a month ago I realized a big change I needed to make in myself. I found myself becoming increasingly irritable, frustrated, and unpleasant. And I was yelling. Not all the time, but enough that it worried me. So one evening, I realized that I needed to make a conscious choice. Was I going to be a mom/wife who yells? Or one who doesn't? For me that was not a hard choice to make. I decided to choose to be a mom who doesn't yell. Now there isn't, to my knowledge anyway, a 12-step program to reduce yelling in the home, so I decided to just take it a day at a time and stop yelling. Cold Turkey.
And somehow, it worked! The first week was especially difficult. I had to employ deep breathing techniques, set my jaw, bite my tongue...whatever it took. When the first week was over, the next week was even easier. Now, 4 weeks later, I have no desire to yell in anger. I love what this change has done in our home. We are all happier and my stress levels have decreased. The feeling of peace in our home is great.
(Posted by Alicia)
I am going to try this approach myself as I know that my anger frustratons, impatience etc are all in one way or another demoralising to my family and the way they see themselves! I can change that by changing my attitude but its not easy!! Yours will be a step in the right direction. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteUrsula
(E-mail from reader)
ReplyDeleteWendy,
I have to tell you, of the stories, comments, ideas, etc. that I have read from you, this one with your sister really hit home for me. I have started this yelling from stress or just from kids who think they know it all. I have
just finished reading her blog...and I am now starting her "12 step program". LOL. I thank you for this email and all your other emails! They are inspiring! However, this one really hit my heart; I don't want to be a Mom who yells!!
Thank you!!
Angie
Reader e-mail:
ReplyDeleteGOOD! I yell but I want to change. A BIG Thank you.
I have actually been trying the "not yelling" thing for about 2 weeks now (must be something in the air), and I've noticed a change in my home as well. I feel so much more composed, and the children seem to be exhibiting calmer behavior. They weren't terrible to start, but the noise reduction makes the change seem all the more drastic. I've also noticed a change within myself, much more calm, and much more likely to look at mishaps as "no biggie." Only 2 weeks later I can clearly identify cynical and pessimistic attitudes I held (and I thought I was this big optimist). When "mishaps" occur (e.g. cereal all over the floor, chair pushed up to cabinet, etc) I don't automatically think their motives were bad (like "sneaking") and i actually LISTEN to their long drawn out explanations with less bias. And i'm learning that my children are regular people, with great intentions even, and we've grown closer. My daughter is 6 next Monday, my son is 2.
ReplyDeleteE-mail from reader:
ReplyDeleteWendy,
This is amazing, I recently was thinking the same. I feel exactly the same as your sister-in-law, "I found myself becoming increasingly irritable, frustrated,and unpleasant. And I was yelling. Not all the time, but enough that it worried me". The only think I'd change is that I feel I'm yelling all the time. I'd also say that is worries me as it looks like I get stressed my boys are becoming more and more adamant not to do what I want them to do.
Recently I also said to them that I will stop giving them any treats, send them to bed without any dessert, but everything works for few days and then it seems they don't care.
I've tried to say to myself not to yell, shout, get angry, etc. But after few times of repeating myself and them not paying any attention, I start yelling. I'm not sure how to stop this.
Please any advise would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
E-mail from reader:
ReplyDeleteWendy,
Thank you so much for this post. Tell your sister thank you too. She sounds a lot like me (or I should say she used to). I am going to put her steps into practice. With 5 children it will take a little time but it is what I want. Thank you again.
Sincerely,
Denise