There seems to be a strong correlation between our own self-esteem and the self-esteem of our children. This point was driven home the other day when I happened to catch an episode of "Oprah" while folding laundry.
The subject of this particular show was self-esteem in children. They interviewed mothers of three and four year old girls who were already concerned about their weight and saying things like, "I'm too fat!" Then they brought on a beautiful young woman who said that she had extremely low self-esteem. She related how she would go home and cry and cry because she thought she was so ugly.
I was wondering how someone so beautiful could possibly think she was ugly? And why were these pre-schoolers already thinking about their weight? Then the moment of realization came when their mothers were brought on the show and both mothers and daughters were interviewed.
The young woman related that growing up she would often find her mother in her room sobbing. When she would ask her mom what was wrong, her mom would say something to the effect of, "Oh I just look so hideous today!" Things of this nature happened often with the mom always saying how fat she (herself) was or how horrible she looked.
Well, somehow these feelings of insecurity and self-doubt were passed down from mother to daughter. Even though the mom would try and build up her daughter by telling her how pretty she was, the daughter somehow only managed to carry on the negative messages that her mom kept telling herself every day.
This was so eye-opening to me. All of the kids on the show ended up with low self-esteem not because their moms' put them down, but because their moms' continually put THEMSELVES down. In many cases, the moms' had grown up with low self-esteem because of situations in their own life growing up and so they purposely praised their children in the hopes of giving their
children the self-esteem that they themselves never had.
But apparently the message that the parents gave about themselves talked far more loudly than the encouragement they gave to their children. Watching this really made me think about my own life and has helped me to be more cautious of negative self-talk.
If we want our children to have a positive self-esteem, then it is critical that we have our OWN self-esteem first. Our children learn so much through observing and if they see happy capable
parents, then they will have a lot better chance of becoming happy capable adults as well! Something to think about!
Wendy Jensen
http://www.firstratefamily.com
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