Here is a great idea sent in by Jessica...
One idea I have is to make some "wipe able" hearts to pass out just
before dinner. Each day these hearts can be written on and passed out.
The hearts will say anything positive about my child and partner.
Something nice they did that day, or praise for good behavior.
I believe that the hearts will excite and promote a positive outcome!
Great idea Jessica! It really helps reinforce positive behavior if
we reward those things we want to see repeated!
Compliment a loved one today!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Bonding Family Activities
In our family we come together once a week for what we call "family
home evening." We have a prayer, song, lesson, activity, and treat.
Everyone in the family participates. Sometimes it is something
really simple and other times it is something that involves a
little more planning. This helps unify our family and brings us
closer together. At Christmas time we also plan some special
activities to do as a family. One such tradition involves dressing
up and acting out the Nativity (usually on Christmas Eve) but each
year we do something a little different. Last year we had a
"shepherd's in training" and everyone dressed like shepherds while
we learned more about their role in the Christmas story.
This year everyone dressed up like angels. My husband had gotten a
whole bunch of white material and he and our daughter made
make-shift angel costumes. We had a special lesson about the
visitation of angels from the Bible and then talked about angels on
earth -- those people who have affected our lives for good. We
talked about how we can be an angel for other people. Then we went
and sang "Angels, We Have Heard On High," to some people in our
neighborhood. It was a neat experience and several of us were in
need of a tissue by the evening's end! Establishing traditions is an
excellent way to promote positive feelings and bonding within one's
family.
home evening." We have a prayer, song, lesson, activity, and treat.
Everyone in the family participates. Sometimes it is something
really simple and other times it is something that involves a
little more planning. This helps unify our family and brings us
closer together. At Christmas time we also plan some special
activities to do as a family. One such tradition involves dressing
up and acting out the Nativity (usually on Christmas Eve) but each
year we do something a little different. Last year we had a
"shepherd's in training" and everyone dressed like shepherds while
we learned more about their role in the Christmas story.
This year everyone dressed up like angels. My husband had gotten a
whole bunch of white material and he and our daughter made
make-shift angel costumes. We had a special lesson about the
visitation of angels from the Bible and then talked about angels on
earth -- those people who have affected our lives for good. We
talked about how we can be an angel for other people. Then we went
and sang "Angels, We Have Heard On High," to some people in our
neighborhood. It was a neat experience and several of us were in
need of a tissue by the evening's end! Establishing traditions is an
excellent way to promote positive feelings and bonding within one's
family.
Be at Crossroads
I have been thinking lately about how important it is to be at the
crossroads of our children's lives. I watch our kids as they run in
and out of the house as if going through a circular door and it
seems like the years are passing right before my eyes. How
important it is to be there to give our child a hug and and "I love
you" as they head out to school. How equally important it is to be
there when they come home with a ready ear to hear about their day.
When I was a child, I remember sitting down next to my mom after
school or other events and giving her a running dialogue about what
had happened. When I was a little older I would go into her room
after dates and sit on the edge of her bed and give her the blow by
blow account. It really helped me to make wise choices when I knew
I would be giving a full report to my mother!"
I love this statement from my friend Valerie Chandler's Blog: "...
Often, it's the informal times when kids talk and you feel most
satisfied with your interactions. I can pepper my boys with
questions at the dinner table about what they learned at school or
church and they are mute, but it is obscure moments in the car, as
we work together, or when they are in bed at night that kids
confide and share. I am thinking that it is for that very reason
President Benson advised mothers to 'be at the crossroads.'"
This is so true! My thirteen year old daughter often confides in me
the usual teenage ups and downs -- school, friends, her secret
crush, humerous exchanges from kids at school, and embarrassing
moments. Many of these "talks" occur right when she gets home from
school during that bit of quiet time when the little ones are
sleeping and the boys are still at school.
Other conversations happen during spontaneous moments during the day
such as when we are cleaning the kitchen together or going somewhere
in the car. We can't always plan a special conversation with our
children -- many times they just happen -- IF we are in tune and
available. It is not just "quality time" time that is important, but
"quantity time" too, for that is when most quality time naturally
occurs.
Valerie shared a quote from President Benson which I would also
like to share: "...take time to always be at the crossroads when
your children are either coming or going--when they leave and
return from school--when they leave and return from dates--when
they bring friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your
children are six or sixteen." (To the Mothers in Zion, President
Ezra Taft Benson Fireside for Parents 22 February 1987)
www.firstratefamily.com
crossroads of our children's lives. I watch our kids as they run in
and out of the house as if going through a circular door and it
seems like the years are passing right before my eyes. How
important it is to be there to give our child a hug and and "I love
you" as they head out to school. How equally important it is to be
there when they come home with a ready ear to hear about their day.
When I was a child, I remember sitting down next to my mom after
school or other events and giving her a running dialogue about what
had happened. When I was a little older I would go into her room
after dates and sit on the edge of her bed and give her the blow by
blow account. It really helped me to make wise choices when I knew
I would be giving a full report to my mother!"
I love this statement from my friend Valerie Chandler's Blog: "...
Often, it's the informal times when kids talk and you feel most
satisfied with your interactions. I can pepper my boys with
questions at the dinner table about what they learned at school or
church and they are mute, but it is obscure moments in the car, as
we work together, or when they are in bed at night that kids
confide and share. I am thinking that it is for that very reason
President Benson advised mothers to 'be at the crossroads.'"
This is so true! My thirteen year old daughter often confides in me
the usual teenage ups and downs -- school, friends, her secret
crush, humerous exchanges from kids at school, and embarrassing
moments. Many of these "talks" occur right when she gets home from
school during that bit of quiet time when the little ones are
sleeping and the boys are still at school.
Other conversations happen during spontaneous moments during the day
such as when we are cleaning the kitchen together or going somewhere
in the car. We can't always plan a special conversation with our
children -- many times they just happen -- IF we are in tune and
available. It is not just "quality time" time that is important, but
"quantity time" too, for that is when most quality time naturally
occurs.
Valerie shared a quote from President Benson which I would also
like to share: "...take time to always be at the crossroads when
your children are either coming or going--when they leave and
return from school--when they leave and return from dates--when
they bring friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your
children are six or sixteen." (To the Mothers in Zion, President
Ezra Taft Benson Fireside for Parents 22 February 1987)
www.firstratefamily.com
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Creating Healthy Emotional Bonds in Families
My friend, Valerie Chandler, (who is a wonderful Mom) wrote this post
in her blog and I thought it was so good that I asked if I could send
it along to you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I heard a BYU Family Expo rebroadcast on Sunday that, I swear, was
plunked right into my path on purpose and for my benefit. (James
Harper, BYU professor, Family Expo 2003 "Creating Healthy Emotional
Bonds in Families") It was on healthy emotional development, and as
a child development concept, I found it very useful. It was so
academic that I had to focus really hard on what Brother Harper was
saying. After I got the four little ones to bed, I went to the
couch with a pen and paper in hand. Here is what he taught me--
Brother Harper discussed the development of emotional connections
and control. He explained that there are three "spurts" of brain
growth that regulate emotional systems and determine social skills.
These "spurts" are times where the brain in malleable in learning
emotional regulation. The ages are: newborn to 18 months old, about
four years old, and early adolescence.
Brother Harper examined the behaviors and tactics for secure
bonding in infants. He seemed to imply that the same productive
things we do to bond with infants are the same techniques we must
employ in order to produce healthy emotional children, teens, adult
interactions, and marriages. But, using the techniques are
especially important during these three "spurt" times. I paid
careful attention since I have several adolescents that I want to
develop into emotionally healthy individuals.
Again, using infants as the easy to understand model--
1) Eye Gazing
Focusing on the child intently, meeting her/his attention, spending
time just gazing into eyes and chattering/talking, play.
2) Attention vs Inattention
Brother Harper said that babies have times when they are engaged
and times when they are disengaged. That is normal and important.
He said that a parent need to synchronize her/his times of
attention and inattention to that of the child's. When the baby is
disengaged he is learning to assimilate, develop his brain and
self-sooth. That time alone is vital to healthy emotional development.
3) Using soothing behaviors when crying or fussy.
Brother Harper said to never miss an opportunity to sooth a
distressed baby (or teen). Knowing that someone is there to meet
those emotional needs builds trust and strength. He said that
"touch is a message system for quieting and for alerting." It works
great for babies to be held, rocked, and cuddled, and, it works
great for all of us. He said that we should be looking at moments
of distressed behaviors as times for closeness and nurturing, like
we do when a baby is sad. We pick her/him up and comfort.
I found this talk so helpful because I hadn't known that such
important emotional development was happening in early adolescence.
I also didn't know that infant tactics are effective ways to
respond to teens, too.
I appreciated the reminder to allow teens the opportunity to
assimilate information independently and self-sooth by allowing
them to disengage. It's good to know that it is ok to walk-away
when the child has turned off. I think that I talk at my kids too
long. Also, I can do better at using soothing and nurturing during
times of stress. I would be a more effective parent by gathering
the child in instead of doing so much lecturing and counseling in
these situations. I guess this philosophy gives new meaning to
"babying" your teenagers.
Brother Harper promised that "Big changes in you (the parent) lead
to even larger changes in children."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you for that wonderful post, Valerie! There is so much that
we as parents can learn from each other!
For more parenting information, see our web-site at:
http://www.firstratefamily.com
Your friend,
Wendy
in her blog and I thought it was so good that I asked if I could send
it along to you!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I heard a BYU Family Expo rebroadcast on Sunday that, I swear, was
plunked right into my path on purpose and for my benefit. (James
Harper, BYU professor, Family Expo 2003 "Creating Healthy Emotional
Bonds in Families") It was on healthy emotional development, and as
a child development concept, I found it very useful. It was so
academic that I had to focus really hard on what Brother Harper was
saying. After I got the four little ones to bed, I went to the
couch with a pen and paper in hand. Here is what he taught me--
Brother Harper discussed the development of emotional connections
and control. He explained that there are three "spurts" of brain
growth that regulate emotional systems and determine social skills.
These "spurts" are times where the brain in malleable in learning
emotional regulation. The ages are: newborn to 18 months old, about
four years old, and early adolescence.
Brother Harper examined the behaviors and tactics for secure
bonding in infants. He seemed to imply that the same productive
things we do to bond with infants are the same techniques we must
employ in order to produce healthy emotional children, teens, adult
interactions, and marriages. But, using the techniques are
especially important during these three "spurt" times. I paid
careful attention since I have several adolescents that I want to
develop into emotionally healthy individuals.
Again, using infants as the easy to understand model--
1) Eye Gazing
Focusing on the child intently, meeting her/his attention, spending
time just gazing into eyes and chattering/talking, play.
2) Attention vs Inattention
Brother Harper said that babies have times when they are engaged
and times when they are disengaged. That is normal and important.
He said that a parent need to synchronize her/his times of
attention and inattention to that of the child's. When the baby is
disengaged he is learning to assimilate, develop his brain and
self-sooth. That time alone is vital to healthy emotional development.
3) Using soothing behaviors when crying or fussy.
Brother Harper said to never miss an opportunity to sooth a
distressed baby (or teen). Knowing that someone is there to meet
those emotional needs builds trust and strength. He said that
"touch is a message system for quieting and for alerting." It works
great for babies to be held, rocked, and cuddled, and, it works
great for all of us. He said that we should be looking at moments
of distressed behaviors as times for closeness and nurturing, like
we do when a baby is sad. We pick her/him up and comfort.
I found this talk so helpful because I hadn't known that such
important emotional development was happening in early adolescence.
I also didn't know that infant tactics are effective ways to
respond to teens, too.
I appreciated the reminder to allow teens the opportunity to
assimilate information independently and self-sooth by allowing
them to disengage. It's good to know that it is ok to walk-away
when the child has turned off. I think that I talk at my kids too
long. Also, I can do better at using soothing and nurturing during
times of stress. I would be a more effective parent by gathering
the child in instead of doing so much lecturing and counseling in
these situations. I guess this philosophy gives new meaning to
"babying" your teenagers.
Brother Harper promised that "Big changes in you (the parent) lead
to even larger changes in children."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you for that wonderful post, Valerie! There is so much that
we as parents can learn from each other!
For more parenting information, see our web-site at:
http://www.firstratefamily.com
Your friend,
Wendy
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Valentines Questions For Couples
Here is one of the traditions in our "Fun Family Traditions and
Rituals" e-book and it would be a fun idea for a Valentines Day Gift
for your loved one.
In order for my husband and I to grow closer together, we ordered
the book "1000 Questions For Couples" by Michael Webb. Each day
my husband and I pick a question from the book to ask each other.
have found that I like to have time to think about a question before
answering it and so we each e-mail a question to each other (while
he is at work and I am at home).
This gives us a chance to really think about the question and
formulate a clear response. It helps us to get to know each other
better and grow closer together. It has also sparked some
wonderful intimate discussions! Here is the web-site:
1000 Questions For Couples
Here is a similar testimonial from the site:
"My husband and I have been emailing 3-4 of the questions and our
answers each day for the last month and it has had the most
wonderful effect on our relationship. I felt that we had just been
'coasting' for a while but now we are more in love than we have
been in our 17 years together. And the resulting passion has been
amazing."
Barbara Koen
For more information go to:
1000 Questions For Couples
Also, if you didn't get your free "Fun Family Traditions and Rituals"
e-book, you can download it here:
Fun Family Traditions and Rituals
Have a great week!
Rituals" e-book and it would be a fun idea for a Valentines Day Gift
for your loved one.
In order for my husband and I to grow closer together, we ordered
the book "1000 Questions For Couples" by Michael Webb. Each day
my husband and I pick a question from the book to ask each other.
have found that I like to have time to think about a question before
answering it and so we each e-mail a question to each other (while
he is at work and I am at home).
This gives us a chance to really think about the question and
formulate a clear response. It helps us to get to know each other
better and grow closer together. It has also sparked some
wonderful intimate discussions! Here is the web-site:
1000 Questions For Couples
Here is a similar testimonial from the site:
"My husband and I have been emailing 3-4 of the questions and our
answers each day for the last month and it has had the most
wonderful effect on our relationship. I felt that we had just been
'coasting' for a while but now we are more in love than we have
been in our 17 years together. And the resulting passion has been
amazing."
Barbara Koen
For more information go to:
1000 Questions For Couples
Also, if you didn't get your free "Fun Family Traditions and Rituals"
e-book, you can download it here:
Fun Family Traditions and Rituals
Have a great week!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Parents at the Crossroads
I have been thinking lately about how important it is to be at the crossroads of our children's lives. I watch our kids as they run in and out of the house as if going through a circular door and it seems like the years are passing right before my eyes. How important it is to be there to give our child a hug and and "I love you" as they head out to school. How equally important it is to be there when they come home with a ready ear to hear about their day.
When I was a child, I remember sitting down next to my mom after school or other events and giving her a running dialogue about what had happened. When I was a little older I would go into her room after dates and sit on the edge of her bed and give her the blow by blow account. It really helped me to make wise choices when I knew I would be giving a full report to my mother!"
I love this statement from my friend Valerie Chandler's Blog: "... Often, it's the informal times when kids talk and you feel most satisfied with your interactions. I can pepper my boys with questions at the dinner table about what they learned at school or church and they are mute, but it is obscure moments in the car, as we work together, or when they are in bed at night that kids confide and share. I am thinking that it is for that very reason President Benson advised mothers to 'be at the crossroads.'"
This is so true! My thirteen year old daughter often confides in me the usual teenage ups and downs -- school, friends, her secret crush, humerous exchanges from kids at school, and embarrassing moments. Many of these "talks" occur right when she gets home from school during that bit of quiet time when the little ones are sleeping and the boys are still at school. Other conversations happen during spontaneous moments during the day such as when we are cleaning the kitchen together or going somewhere in the car. We can't always plan a special conversation with our children -- many times they just happen -- IF we are in tune and available. It is not just "quality time" time that is important, but "quantity time" too, for that is when most quality time naturally occurs.
Valerie shared a quote from President Benson which I would also like to share: "...take time to always be at the crossroads when your children are either coming or going--when they leave and return from school--when they leave and return from dates--when they bring friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your children are six or sixteen." (To the Mothers in Zion, President Ezra Taft Benson Fireside for Parents 22 February 1987)
When I was a child, I remember sitting down next to my mom after school or other events and giving her a running dialogue about what had happened. When I was a little older I would go into her room after dates and sit on the edge of her bed and give her the blow by blow account. It really helped me to make wise choices when I knew I would be giving a full report to my mother!"
I love this statement from my friend Valerie Chandler's Blog: "... Often, it's the informal times when kids talk and you feel most satisfied with your interactions. I can pepper my boys with questions at the dinner table about what they learned at school or church and they are mute, but it is obscure moments in the car, as we work together, or when they are in bed at night that kids confide and share. I am thinking that it is for that very reason President Benson advised mothers to 'be at the crossroads.'"
This is so true! My thirteen year old daughter often confides in me the usual teenage ups and downs -- school, friends, her secret crush, humerous exchanges from kids at school, and embarrassing moments. Many of these "talks" occur right when she gets home from school during that bit of quiet time when the little ones are sleeping and the boys are still at school. Other conversations happen during spontaneous moments during the day such as when we are cleaning the kitchen together or going somewhere in the car. We can't always plan a special conversation with our children -- many times they just happen -- IF we are in tune and available. It is not just "quality time" time that is important, but "quantity time" too, for that is when most quality time naturally occurs.
Valerie shared a quote from President Benson which I would also like to share: "...take time to always be at the crossroads when your children are either coming or going--when they leave and return from school--when they leave and return from dates--when they bring friends home. Be there at the crossroads whether your children are six or sixteen." (To the Mothers in Zion, President Ezra Taft Benson Fireside for Parents 22 February 1987)
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