Returning from a long day of work can be a tremendous experience ---
coming home to a smiling spouse who is joyfully awaiting your arrival
with a hug and a kiss. The house is clean and the table is set for
dinner with a delicious aroma permeating the air. The children are
playing contentedly together and gleefully run to you throwing their
arms around your neck while shouting, "Yeah! You're home - I missed
you!"
Beautiful isn't it? I must admit, that not all of my arrivals
from work have been so elegant; in fact, most have not - - but some
have. I've concluded that these precious moments of arrivals and
farewells, as well the quality of our family time spent together,
are usually directly correlated with how well I treat my children
and my spouse. If I treat them with kindness, then kindness is
reciprocated to me, as well as to my entire family. In other
words, if one wants kindness to permeate his or her home, it's time
to go look in the mirror, do some heavy self analysis, and take
action within your home by starting your own "Kindness Campaign."
The best place to begin the Kindness Campaign is with the one you
love most - your spouse. Your spouse should be the central
person of your life. He or she should feel loved, comfortable,
confident and even charismatic in your presence. Kind acts to your
spouse, whether it be as simple as a love note, or as dramatic as a
quick get away, will not only help a marriage survive, but it will
help your marriage thrive in a world that seems set on tearing
marriages apart. Think of what kindness means to your spouse, and
take action on it today. The investment from your actions will
certainly help to increase the value of your marriage.
The Kindness Campaign should next be implemented with your
children. Our family emphasizes love and kindness in our home by
implementing "love tickets" into our weekly routine. We have a
vase in our living room labeled the "love jar." When we (or
another family member) "catch" one of our children doing a kind act
for someone else, then that person's name is written on a piece of
paper along with the act of kindness and placed in the jar.
Excitement is at a high point when each week three (or any other
specified number) entries are drawn from the love jar, because the
winners are rewarded with a spectacular prize such as a special
treat, extra time with mom or dad, or a specified number of
privilege tickets (see www.firstratefamily.com for explanation).
Although prizes are given in a spirit of cooperation and fun, the
benefits of showing kindness to each other run much deeper than
just a physical gift.
When kindness fills a home, it is as if anyone who enters that home
can feel the presence of love, respect, and happiness -- including
one who just came home from a hard day of work. Take the challenge!
Begin your own Kindness Campaign today, and perhaps you will find the
vision at the beginning of this article, becoming a reality for you
and your family!
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Overcoming Non-Compliance
Parenting Coach, Tom Dozier, sent me an excellent parenting article
on overcoming non-compliance for me to pass along to you. If you
have any questions for him, his information is at the bottom of his
article. Enjoy!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Overcoming Non-Compliance
Non-compliance is a very upsetting child behavior. One skill that
you can use to directly address non-compliance is to have the child
repeat the expectation. This has an almost magical effect on your
child's behavior. I was in a school hallway, and there were 7 second
graders milling around. The teacher walked through and said, "Kids,
go on outside. You are supposed to be at recess." She walked into
her classroom, and I watched the kids.
They were unaffected by being told (nicely) what to do. So I
decided to try the Immediate Expectation tool. I said, "Kids, where
does your teacher expect you to be right now?" They looked at me and
one said, "Outside at recess." I said, "That is exactly right. Thank
you!" I paused, and stood there, and the kids turned and walked outside.
So I said, "Thank you. That's great." (this provided a positive response
to their appropriate behavior).
Instead of telling a children what to do, ask them. If the child
says it, it greatly increases the probability he will do it. This is
true for kids of all ages. Often a child will protest instead of
answering the question, "But I hate homework." Stay calm. Listen
to the feeling and respond with empathy. "I know you don't like
homework. That is pretty normal, but what do I expect you to do
right now?" The child will protest 2 or 3 times, but 97% of the time
the child will tell you what he is expected to do.
Once the child tells you what is expected, it is very important
that you give a strong positive response like, "Thank you, that is
correct." Next, give the child a few seconds (or minutes if the
child is angry). Give the child time to start meeting the expectation.
Once the child starts meeting the expectation, be sure and provide a
positive response to the behavior.
A mom attended a parenting seminar I gave at the local community
college, and returned home to find her husband and 5 year old daughter
yelling at each other about the daughter going to bed. This had been
going on for 20 minutes, and the husband threw up his hands and said,
"She is all yours!"
This very predictable conversation then played out. Predictable,
that is,as long as the mom remains calm, and uses expectations rather
than orders...
Mom, "Dear, what are you supposed to be doing right now?"
Daughter, "Getting ready for bed."
Mom, "That's right, honey. And what 4 things do you do to get
ready for bed?
Daughter, "Put on my jamies, brush my teeth, brush my hair and give
hugs and kisses."
Mom, "Very good answer."
Daughter, "But I don't want to wear my jamies, I want to wear my
undies!"
Mom, "That is fine, so after you take your clothes off, what will you
do next?"
Daughter, "Brush my teeth."
Mom, "OK dear, are you ready to show me that now."
Daugther, "Ok Mommie." (and the daughter went off and got ready
for bed).
It is normal for the child to protest 2 or 3 times before stating the
expectation. Respond to protests by being understanding, and state
the child's feeling, then ask what is expected, like this.
Mom, "Dear, what are you supposed to be doing right now?"
Daughter, "I don't want to go to bed, I'm not sleepy."
Mom, "I can see you are still wide awake, but what do I expect you
to do right now?"
Daughter, "I want to stay up and play. I didn't get to play with
my dolls today!"
Mom, "I know you love to play with your dolls, but even so, what do
I expect you to do right now?"
Daughter, "I hate going to bed. It is no fun."
Mom, "Honey, I know there are lots of fun things you would rather
do, but what do I expect you to do right now?"
Daughter, "Get ready for bed."
Mom, "That's right, honey. Thank you. And what 4 things do
you..." (see above).
If the child protests a 4th time (unless you can tell she is about to
cooperate), just state the expectation, and turn away, like this.
Mom, "I'm sorry this is difficult for you, but I am glad you
understand that I expect you to be get ready for bed."
Daughter, "But I'm not going to bed" (maybe yelled as Mom is
walking away). - or - Mom, "Daddy (or to another child), What do I
expect Sarah to do right now." Daddy, "Get ready for bed."
Mom, "That is exactly right. Thank you very much." (then mom and
dad walk away).
Once the desired behavior starts, mom or dad needs to be positive
and say something nice and brief like, "Thanks".
If your child won't answer you, find out how to overcome this
problem at the bottom of the page:
http://www.ldsparentcoach.org/Non-Compliance.html
Remember to acknowledge appropriate behavior when it happens. The
expectation may get the behavior started, but it is our positive
response to the behavior that will keep it going, and make positive
behavior happen more often. Expectations used to address non-compliance
have a remarkable effect on the choice of behavior. Give it a try.
Tom Dozier
Behaviorist, Parenting Skills Trainer, and Parenting Coach
Guaranteed Parent Training
5801 Arlene Way
Livermore, CA 94550
925-371-1576
tomdozier@guaranteedpt.com
www.guaranteedpt.com and www.ldsparentcoach.org
-------------------------------------------------------------------
We hope you have enjoyed Tom's article and wish you the best of luck
encouraging compliant behavior with your children!
on overcoming non-compliance for me to pass along to you. If you
have any questions for him, his information is at the bottom of his
article. Enjoy!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Overcoming Non-Compliance
Non-compliance is a very upsetting child behavior. One skill that
you can use to directly address non-compliance is to have the child
repeat the expectation. This has an almost magical effect on your
child's behavior. I was in a school hallway, and there were 7 second
graders milling around. The teacher walked through and said, "Kids,
go on outside. You are supposed to be at recess." She walked into
her classroom, and I watched the kids.
They were unaffected by being told (nicely) what to do. So I
decided to try the Immediate Expectation tool. I said, "Kids, where
does your teacher expect you to be right now?" They looked at me and
one said, "Outside at recess." I said, "That is exactly right. Thank
you!" I paused, and stood there, and the kids turned and walked outside.
So I said, "Thank you. That's great." (this provided a positive response
to their appropriate behavior).
Instead of telling a children what to do, ask them. If the child
says it, it greatly increases the probability he will do it. This is
true for kids of all ages. Often a child will protest instead of
answering the question, "But I hate homework." Stay calm. Listen
to the feeling and respond with empathy. "I know you don't like
homework. That is pretty normal, but what do I expect you to do
right now?" The child will protest 2 or 3 times, but 97% of the time
the child will tell you what he is expected to do.
Once the child tells you what is expected, it is very important
that you give a strong positive response like, "Thank you, that is
correct." Next, give the child a few seconds (or minutes if the
child is angry). Give the child time to start meeting the expectation.
Once the child starts meeting the expectation, be sure and provide a
positive response to the behavior.
A mom attended a parenting seminar I gave at the local community
college, and returned home to find her husband and 5 year old daughter
yelling at each other about the daughter going to bed. This had been
going on for 20 minutes, and the husband threw up his hands and said,
"She is all yours!"
This very predictable conversation then played out. Predictable,
that is,as long as the mom remains calm, and uses expectations rather
than orders...
Mom, "Dear, what are you supposed to be doing right now?"
Daughter, "Getting ready for bed."
Mom, "That's right, honey. And what 4 things do you do to get
ready for bed?
Daughter, "Put on my jamies, brush my teeth, brush my hair and give
hugs and kisses."
Mom, "Very good answer."
Daughter, "But I don't want to wear my jamies, I want to wear my
undies!"
Mom, "That is fine, so after you take your clothes off, what will you
do next?"
Daughter, "Brush my teeth."
Mom, "OK dear, are you ready to show me that now."
Daugther, "Ok Mommie." (and the daughter went off and got ready
for bed).
It is normal for the child to protest 2 or 3 times before stating the
expectation. Respond to protests by being understanding, and state
the child's feeling, then ask what is expected, like this.
Mom, "Dear, what are you supposed to be doing right now?"
Daughter, "I don't want to go to bed, I'm not sleepy."
Mom, "I can see you are still wide awake, but what do I expect you
to do right now?"
Daughter, "I want to stay up and play. I didn't get to play with
my dolls today!"
Mom, "I know you love to play with your dolls, but even so, what do
I expect you to do right now?"
Daughter, "I hate going to bed. It is no fun."
Mom, "Honey, I know there are lots of fun things you would rather
do, but what do I expect you to do right now?"
Daughter, "Get ready for bed."
Mom, "That's right, honey. Thank you. And what 4 things do
you..." (see above).
If the child protests a 4th time (unless you can tell she is about to
cooperate), just state the expectation, and turn away, like this.
Mom, "I'm sorry this is difficult for you, but I am glad you
understand that I expect you to be get ready for bed."
Daughter, "But I'm not going to bed" (maybe yelled as Mom is
walking away). - or - Mom, "Daddy (or to another child), What do I
expect Sarah to do right now." Daddy, "Get ready for bed."
Mom, "That is exactly right. Thank you very much." (then mom and
dad walk away).
Once the desired behavior starts, mom or dad needs to be positive
and say something nice and brief like, "Thanks".
If your child won't answer you, find out how to overcome this
problem at the bottom of the page:
http://www.ldsparentcoach.org/Non-Compliance.html
Remember to acknowledge appropriate behavior when it happens. The
expectation may get the behavior started, but it is our positive
response to the behavior that will keep it going, and make positive
behavior happen more often. Expectations used to address non-compliance
have a remarkable effect on the choice of behavior. Give it a try.
Tom Dozier
Behaviorist, Parenting Skills Trainer, and Parenting Coach
Guaranteed Parent Training
5801 Arlene Way
Livermore, CA 94550
925-371-1576
tomdozier@guaranteedpt.com
www.guaranteedpt.com and www.ldsparentcoach.org
-------------------------------------------------------------------
We hope you have enjoyed Tom's article and wish you the best of luck
encouraging compliant behavior with your children!
Summer Ticket Ideas
I hope you are enjoying your life and family! Summer is a great time to establish the
G.O.L.D. Standard in your home. As soon as school let out for the summer, my
husband and I got together and created a long list of chores that we would like to
see accomplished throughout the summer vacation. We included everyday chores
as well as all of those "extra" things that never seem to get done.
Then we gave a ticket value to each job, giving more tickets to more difficult jobs
and less tickets for easier jobs. We had a family meeting where we introduced the
list to our children and explained the jobs and how many tickets they could earn.
For example, the kids can earn one ticket for unloading the dishwasher and two
tickets for doing the dishes.
In order to encourage our children to get up early (and not stay up late and sleep in)
we reward them with tickets if they get up and exercise before 8:00 a.m. Our three
oldest often get up early and go running around the neighborhood and then get started
on their jobs. My ten year old son is constantly bugging me to have have his job
chart ready so that he can get going on them. He is always anxious to finish so that
he can play with one of his friends.
The kids use up their tickets quickly throughout the day and so they are often checking
the list to see what they can do to earn more tickets. Even our two year old is doing
tickets now! He didn't want to be left out of the fun! When we change his diaper he
picks it up and throws it in the diaper pail outside and then runs back in the house
shouting, "I get a ticket!" Then he takes a ticket from the "bank" and puts it in his
envelope.
Actually, we switched from envelopes to "pockets." The envelopes were getting
pretty ripped up and so my twelve year old daughter cut out pockets from old jeans
and decorated them with everyone's names. She then attached them to the inside
of the closet that is in our kitchen. This way the kids have quick and easy access
to their tickets.
All in all, our summer is running very smoothly! Each of our kids have a job list each
day which includes (among other things) doing the dishes and cleaning up the table,
snack bar, and floor after each meal. The older children also help the younger
children with their jobs such as making their beds, cleaning their rooms, and putting
their laundry away.
It can take a lot of time and patience in order to teach your kids to work, but it is
well worth the effort! For more information on how to establish the G.O.L.D.
Standard in your home, please check out our web-site at http://www.firstratefamily.com
Have a great day!
G.O.L.D. Standard in your home. As soon as school let out for the summer, my
husband and I got together and created a long list of chores that we would like to
see accomplished throughout the summer vacation. We included everyday chores
as well as all of those "extra" things that never seem to get done.
Then we gave a ticket value to each job, giving more tickets to more difficult jobs
and less tickets for easier jobs. We had a family meeting where we introduced the
list to our children and explained the jobs and how many tickets they could earn.
For example, the kids can earn one ticket for unloading the dishwasher and two
tickets for doing the dishes.
In order to encourage our children to get up early (and not stay up late and sleep in)
we reward them with tickets if they get up and exercise before 8:00 a.m. Our three
oldest often get up early and go running around the neighborhood and then get started
on their jobs. My ten year old son is constantly bugging me to have have his job
chart ready so that he can get going on them. He is always anxious to finish so that
he can play with one of his friends.
The kids use up their tickets quickly throughout the day and so they are often checking
the list to see what they can do to earn more tickets. Even our two year old is doing
tickets now! He didn't want to be left out of the fun! When we change his diaper he
picks it up and throws it in the diaper pail outside and then runs back in the house
shouting, "I get a ticket!" Then he takes a ticket from the "bank" and puts it in his
envelope.
Actually, we switched from envelopes to "pockets." The envelopes were getting
pretty ripped up and so my twelve year old daughter cut out pockets from old jeans
and decorated them with everyone's names. She then attached them to the inside
of the closet that is in our kitchen. This way the kids have quick and easy access
to their tickets.
All in all, our summer is running very smoothly! Each of our kids have a job list each
day which includes (among other things) doing the dishes and cleaning up the table,
snack bar, and floor after each meal. The older children also help the younger
children with their jobs such as making their beds, cleaning their rooms, and putting
their laundry away.
It can take a lot of time and patience in order to teach your kids to work, but it is
well worth the effort! For more information on how to establish the G.O.L.D.
Standard in your home, please check out our web-site at http://www.firstratefamily.com
Have a great day!
Fun Toddler or Preschool Craft Ideas!
If you have a toddler or pre-schooler, then you understand just how
difficult it can be to keep them entertained (without resorting to
sticking them in front of the T.V.)!
We often refer to our toddler as "our little tornado" since she
runs through the house causing havoc wherever she goes! It is
difficult trying to continually come up with new ideas to keep her
occupied and out of my cupboards and drawers!
Of course she manages to entertain herself by using various tactics
such as smearing toothpaste all over her body, coloring all over
the furniture with markers, and trying to squash the new baby.
Now, as fun as these are for her...they are definitely not fun for
MOM! I would rather have some activities for her that are a little
less...destructive!
Well, there are several excellent resources for parents or teachers of
toddlers and/or pre-schoolers that includes dozens of wonderful
games or activities that you can do with your child, or that they
can do completely on their own, using items you already have in
your own home!
I tried one of these FUN ideas the other day and it actually kept
my toddler entertained for a couple of hours! In fact, my
pre-schooler and elementary age children also got involved! These
ideas not only entertain your toddler, they also encourage their
physical and mental development as well as their social skills,
emotional skills, and creativity!
Here is a free web-site with some ideas:
http://www.preschoolrainbow.org/toddler-theme.htm
I also found a craft book that contains actual crafts for kids ages
two and up. It is called "Little Kid Crafts For All Seasons" and
includes the bonus book: "Little Kid Paper Plate Crafts."
These books are designed with specific ideas and suggestions for making
the crafts more or less challenging, depending on your child's skill
level. The pages have colorful pictures of each craft and clear simple
instructions so that even someone like me (who is somewhat "craft-impaired")
can teach them! Here is the link for the craft books:
http://1stratefam.littlekids.hop.clickbank.net
If you are a parent of young children; or work at a pre-school, child-care
center, elementary school, or with kids in general, then you will love
having these resources!
Have Fun!
difficult it can be to keep them entertained (without resorting to
sticking them in front of the T.V.)!
We often refer to our toddler as "our little tornado" since she
runs through the house causing havoc wherever she goes! It is
difficult trying to continually come up with new ideas to keep her
occupied and out of my cupboards and drawers!
Of course she manages to entertain herself by using various tactics
such as smearing toothpaste all over her body, coloring all over
the furniture with markers, and trying to squash the new baby.
Now, as fun as these are for her...they are definitely not fun for
MOM! I would rather have some activities for her that are a little
less...destructive!
Well, there are several excellent resources for parents or teachers of
toddlers and/or pre-schoolers that includes dozens of wonderful
games or activities that you can do with your child, or that they
can do completely on their own, using items you already have in
your own home!
I tried one of these FUN ideas the other day and it actually kept
my toddler entertained for a couple of hours! In fact, my
pre-schooler and elementary age children also got involved! These
ideas not only entertain your toddler, they also encourage their
physical and mental development as well as their social skills,
emotional skills, and creativity!
Here is a free web-site with some ideas:
http://www.preschoolrainbow.org/toddler-theme.htm
I also found a craft book that contains actual crafts for kids ages
two and up. It is called "Little Kid Crafts For All Seasons" and
includes the bonus book: "Little Kid Paper Plate Crafts."
These books are designed with specific ideas and suggestions for making
the crafts more or less challenging, depending on your child's skill
level. The pages have colorful pictures of each craft and clear simple
instructions so that even someone like me (who is somewhat "craft-impaired")
can teach them! Here is the link for the craft books:
http://1stratefam.littlekids.hop.clickbank.net
If you are a parent of young children; or work at a pre-school, child-care
center, elementary school, or with kids in general, then you will love
having these resources!
Have Fun!
Super Parent
Wanted: Super Parent
Many of our children are facing extraordinary challenges in the world
today. They will require more than "ordinary parents." They will
require what we like to call "super parents." This article will explain
what it means to be a "super parent."
Recently I was reading an article about some kids who had gotten into some
trouble with the law. I couldn't help but think of the many times I have
had parents in my office, often in tears, pleading for some way to help
their children out of a particular circumstance they had gotten themselves
into. Many times I have heard parents say out of frustration, "What can be
done?" They then go and do nothing.
I must agree that parenting a child, especially a teenager, can be
difficult. However, if we parents can stay on track, and focus time and
energy on our children, many of the things that can be a deterrent in the
lives of our teens simply don't happen. Why don't they? Because you, the
Super Parent, deflect these possibly dangerous situations.
Let me share an example with you regarding what it takes to be a Super Parent:
One teenager decided to skip school and "go out" during a particular class.
The policy of the school is to call home and notify a parent when their
child isn't in class. Many parents who receive this call simply ignore
the situation. Some take the time to talk with their children and
"make them promise to never do it again."
However, the "super parent" does something out of the ordinary. He does
something that will stick with his child, so that if their child is thinking
about trying it again, they'll think twice. I had one parent actually come
to school and sit in the class with his daughter without telling her he
would be coming. SURPRISE!
You should have seen the girl's face. "Dad, what are you doing here?" The
reply came with a soft smile from the parent, "I just wanted to make sure
you made it to class today." The message had been delivered, and this young
lady never skipped my class again. Kudos to that Super Parent!
The age of passive parenting has long since been over. With crime, drugs,
and even internet pornography on the rise, we must become Super Parents to
help our children avoid such dark corners that can tarnish and even ruin
their lives. This means that we need to keep our eyes open for any type of
deviant behavior, watch and notice the actions of their friends, and monitor
what they look up on the internet and what kind of media they read.
Sure this takes "personal" time, but being a Super Parent is worth it! Your
children will come to respect you in the long run. And when it comes time
for a parent teacher conference, the teacher will be doing all of the
talking, letting you know how great your kid is!
Many of our children are facing extraordinary challenges in the world
today. They will require more than "ordinary parents." They will
require what we like to call "super parents." This article will explain
what it means to be a "super parent."
Recently I was reading an article about some kids who had gotten into some
trouble with the law. I couldn't help but think of the many times I have
had parents in my office, often in tears, pleading for some way to help
their children out of a particular circumstance they had gotten themselves
into. Many times I have heard parents say out of frustration, "What can be
done?" They then go and do nothing.
I must agree that parenting a child, especially a teenager, can be
difficult. However, if we parents can stay on track, and focus time and
energy on our children, many of the things that can be a deterrent in the
lives of our teens simply don't happen. Why don't they? Because you, the
Super Parent, deflect these possibly dangerous situations.
Let me share an example with you regarding what it takes to be a Super Parent:
One teenager decided to skip school and "go out" during a particular class.
The policy of the school is to call home and notify a parent when their
child isn't in class. Many parents who receive this call simply ignore
the situation. Some take the time to talk with their children and
"make them promise to never do it again."
However, the "super parent" does something out of the ordinary. He does
something that will stick with his child, so that if their child is thinking
about trying it again, they'll think twice. I had one parent actually come
to school and sit in the class with his daughter without telling her he
would be coming. SURPRISE!
You should have seen the girl's face. "Dad, what are you doing here?" The
reply came with a soft smile from the parent, "I just wanted to make sure
you made it to class today." The message had been delivered, and this young
lady never skipped my class again. Kudos to that Super Parent!
The age of passive parenting has long since been over. With crime, drugs,
and even internet pornography on the rise, we must become Super Parents to
help our children avoid such dark corners that can tarnish and even ruin
their lives. This means that we need to keep our eyes open for any type of
deviant behavior, watch and notice the actions of their friends, and monitor
what they look up on the internet and what kind of media they read.
Sure this takes "personal" time, but being a Super Parent is worth it! Your
children will come to respect you in the long run. And when it comes time
for a parent teacher conference, the teacher will be doing all of the
talking, letting you know how great your kid is!
Motivators for Children
Here are some ideas sent in by Lisa that are similar to the ones we
use with our family. I hope you enjoy them!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I home school all three of my children and we use tickets for a reward
which they receive at the end of school each day if they have behaved
well and have done their work in a timely manner. We start over fresh
each day. Our rewards are as follows....
1. A toy from our toy basket these are small things -- a tablet of
cute kid paper and a pen, a new box crayons, play doh, or those animals
that grow in water, cheap jewelry, etc. I only spend 1-2 dollars each
on these but I keep a big variety.
2. Mom reading to them for 30 minutes.
3. Game time with mom their choice of a game 30 minutes.
4. They can pick a movie to watch for movie night which is Friday
night.
5. They get to pick dessert and we make it together which gives us
one on one time.
6. They get to pick dinner and we make it together which gives us
one on one time
7. 1/2 hour of extra TV time. I only allow 1 hour of TV time a day
except for movie night on Friday nights.
8. 30 minutes on the V-Smile or computer learning games. I do not
allow the other kind of games yet as they are only 5, 6, and 8.
What I do is write these choices down and put them in a mason jar
and at the end of the school day they get to pick from the jar if the
have not disrupted class time and have done their work with a good
attitude and no acting up.
This has done wonders for behavior problems with my now five year
old who was left to do puzzles, color or play with play doh while I
taught the others. Her pre-school curriculum last year only took
about 2 hours so she was in the same room with us but had to entertain
herself. She felt left out and would sometimes act up until I started
doing this.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you Lisa for these great reward ideas for our kids. Kids love
to earn little gifts and privileges such as special time with mom
or dad. These things are great motivators to help our children!!
For more information on parenting ideas, go to:
http://www.firstratefamily.com
Also check out our new site for women:
http://www.wendyjensen.cheerfulnoise.com
use with our family. I hope you enjoy them!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
I home school all three of my children and we use tickets for a reward
which they receive at the end of school each day if they have behaved
well and have done their work in a timely manner. We start over fresh
each day. Our rewards are as follows....
1. A toy from our toy basket these are small things -- a tablet of
cute kid paper and a pen, a new box crayons, play doh, or those animals
that grow in water, cheap jewelry, etc. I only spend 1-2 dollars each
on these but I keep a big variety.
2. Mom reading to them for 30 minutes.
3. Game time with mom their choice of a game 30 minutes.
4. They can pick a movie to watch for movie night which is Friday
night.
5. They get to pick dessert and we make it together which gives us
one on one time.
6. They get to pick dinner and we make it together which gives us
one on one time
7. 1/2 hour of extra TV time. I only allow 1 hour of TV time a day
except for movie night on Friday nights.
8. 30 minutes on the V-Smile or computer learning games. I do not
allow the other kind of games yet as they are only 5, 6, and 8.
What I do is write these choices down and put them in a mason jar
and at the end of the school day they get to pick from the jar if the
have not disrupted class time and have done their work with a good
attitude and no acting up.
This has done wonders for behavior problems with my now five year
old who was left to do puzzles, color or play with play doh while I
taught the others. Her pre-school curriculum last year only took
about 2 hours so she was in the same room with us but had to entertain
herself. She felt left out and would sometimes act up until I started
doing this.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you Lisa for these great reward ideas for our kids. Kids love
to earn little gifts and privileges such as special time with mom
or dad. These things are great motivators to help our children!!
For more information on parenting ideas, go to:
http://www.firstratefamily.com
Also check out our new site for women:
http://www.wendyjensen.cheerfulnoise.com
It Takes a Village to Raise a Child
The quote "It takes a village to raise a child," is a true statement.
Parenting is just one aspect of helping your children develop into
adulthood. Another aspect of development comes from those who are
involved in the child's environment. Next-door neighbors, dear
friends, and especially extended family, can play a large part in the
development of your child. Let me share with you how someone from
our extended family has helped us raise our children.
Gerilyn is our children's favorite Aunt. She has never married and
the time that she could so easily spend on herself is usually spent
on others in helping them to improve themselves or their
circumstances. Gerilyn is one who has enveloped my children with
love and enriched their lives. Her sharing, giving, and loving
attitude toward my children has been a constant source of guidance
for them. It's important for kids to have a source like "a Gerilyn."
Though parents are constantly trying to teaching their children
right from wrong, at some point their sermons may begin to turn into
repetitive, banal instruction. During these times, a "Gerilyn" can
become especially useful. The "Gerilyns" of your children's
environment can be a useful tool to validating your wishes. They can
teach your children in other ways that you as a parent cannot. Some
of the best things my children love about their Aunt Gerilyn are:
She can burp the ABC's.
She grows a garden where they do most of the picking
She makes great breakfasts for them
She has lots of fun games (and she always plays the games with them)
And she takes each of them out for a hamburger - one on one.
I do some of the same things with my children (with the exception
of burping the ABC's) yet her involvement has a different impact on
them. She has developed a peer relationship with them rather than
a parent relationship, and that strong peer relationship helps the
children to gain confidence and understanding from a different
perspective. Sometimes the things they discuss are minimal, and
sometimes they are of great relevance to life's difficult challenges.
When a child can bond with someone who has high standards, impeccable
talents and skills, and a good work ethic, both parties will be better
off for it. The blessing that comes from building friendships can
happen between two people whether they are nine or ninety.
I've had many who have said to me, "You're lucky to have 'a
Gerilyn.'" I guess we are. But wise parents find people like Gerilyn,
and allow them into the lives of their children. I wish you luck in
finding "a Gerilyn" to expand and cultivate the life of your own child!
Parenting is just one aspect of helping your children develop into
adulthood. Another aspect of development comes from those who are
involved in the child's environment. Next-door neighbors, dear
friends, and especially extended family, can play a large part in the
development of your child. Let me share with you how someone from
our extended family has helped us raise our children.
Gerilyn is our children's favorite Aunt. She has never married and
the time that she could so easily spend on herself is usually spent
on others in helping them to improve themselves or their
circumstances. Gerilyn is one who has enveloped my children with
love and enriched their lives. Her sharing, giving, and loving
attitude toward my children has been a constant source of guidance
for them. It's important for kids to have a source like "a Gerilyn."
Though parents are constantly trying to teaching their children
right from wrong, at some point their sermons may begin to turn into
repetitive, banal instruction. During these times, a "Gerilyn" can
become especially useful. The "Gerilyns" of your children's
environment can be a useful tool to validating your wishes. They can
teach your children in other ways that you as a parent cannot. Some
of the best things my children love about their Aunt Gerilyn are:
She can burp the ABC's.
She grows a garden where they do most of the picking
She makes great breakfasts for them
She has lots of fun games (and she always plays the games with them)
And she takes each of them out for a hamburger - one on one.
I do some of the same things with my children (with the exception
of burping the ABC's) yet her involvement has a different impact on
them. She has developed a peer relationship with them rather than
a parent relationship, and that strong peer relationship helps the
children to gain confidence and understanding from a different
perspective. Sometimes the things they discuss are minimal, and
sometimes they are of great relevance to life's difficult challenges.
When a child can bond with someone who has high standards, impeccable
talents and skills, and a good work ethic, both parties will be better
off for it. The blessing that comes from building friendships can
happen between two people whether they are nine or ninety.
I've had many who have said to me, "You're lucky to have 'a
Gerilyn.'" I guess we are. But wise parents find people like Gerilyn,
and allow them into the lives of their children. I wish you luck in
finding "a Gerilyn" to expand and cultivate the life of your own child!
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